The fifth day started with the first of many buffet breakfasts. The spread at the Paragon shat all over Chaba Samui’s. There were the usual; eggs, bacon and french toast, along with amazing pastries and Thai food. We demolished brekky and then decided to get some rays at the beach.

Patong beach is nothing like the beaches here in Australia. The water is flat and the beach is crammed with people. We walked past the abundance of deck chairs and decided, instead of paying to use a chair, we would just dump our shit on the sand.. a saving of 50 baht. There were plenty of topless women, only thing was they were all 50+ years old and it wasn’t really a good look. After the beach we caught some rays and decided to venture up to the markets.

The markets were not a big walk according to our travel advisor, Mr. A. They were a big fucking walk. But I think walking is the best way to take in your surrounds. It didn’t take long until people bought stuff. Oli and Brady bought rice farmer hats and then Brady and Ponch bought some fresh vans for $20AUD. Part of the plan was to get lunch as well. We opted to look down a side street and found a place with reasonable prices and a wide variety of Thai food. This was probably the best place we ate all trip (in my opinion).

We then resumed our trek to the markets. It took a while to find the right one but when we did we explored the fuck out of it. It was typical of Thailand, same same but different. Every vendor was selling the same things, just different colours, styles and prices. This really tested our bartering. A few of the lads were low on jocks and ended up getting Calvin Klein briefs for 80 baht a pair. Ponchy bought his 100% shirt, a shirt he would not remove the rest of the trip.. I didn’t buy anything but a pair of Phuket shorts because the lady said she’d do them for 100 baht. Markets/bartering was always a good bit of fun and something I kind of miss. I do not miss the suit salesman though. Huge dickheads..

The plan was to go out that night so we began pre-drinking pretty early. Brady was pretty tired so he didn’t come. We went to the Kangaroo bar, thinking we’d meet hot, young Aussie girls but it was full of old men. We did not know where to go to and after being told we needed to go to a ping-pong show, we asked our waitress which one was good. She set us up with someone and we followed them to the show.

Free entry is a term that is loosely thrown around in Patong. Once inside we needed to buy a drink. The cheapest option was the trusty Chang. It was 500 baht, you could buy 20 cans from the 7/11 for the same price but it was definitely worth it.. The show involved vaginal tricks so amazing that words couldn’t do it justice. The impressive ones were the razor blade one and the one where she pulled out a live bird and let it hop around the stage. The funniest part of the show though was the use of volunteers. Ponchy went up first, holding a balloon between his legs, the lady shot a dart out, bursting the balloon. Because he went up, we decided we all had to. Donald went up next, copping a massage in front of the crowd from 3 girls. Then I went up, and copped a ping pong ball to the mouth.. It tasted like antiseptic gel at least.

It was a rather tame night compared to some that would follow.